How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
