So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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