I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
