guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My ass is underappreciated
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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