Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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