dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
