But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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