I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I lost the right to judge tonight
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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