Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
