I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
