He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just puked most of my soul out..
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