He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
