you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
