he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
