i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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