The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
