Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
