i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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