Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
