she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
