omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
