I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
