You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
