checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
