no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
