so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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