it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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