dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
