When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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