dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
