My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
