You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
