What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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