1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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