Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
