i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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