Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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