I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
