So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
