So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
