I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i will never coherently bang her
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
