Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
