I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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