Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We named our party play list daddy issues
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
