his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize