Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
