Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
