who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
