Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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