we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
