My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
