One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
