My room smells like vodka and shame
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize