the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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