arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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