oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
