I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just had sex on a roof
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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