sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
