I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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