Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
