actually, I'm a sock model
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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