doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
God I need to hump something, right now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
