i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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