I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
