Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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