halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize