Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
