I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
