bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just pee around me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
