at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
