grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
