you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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