You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
