you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
