i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
