You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
