Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
