no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
