Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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