forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
